I know that some of you have an unjustified view of me.  I believe that there’s a perception out there that somehow, because I run this site and do my best to sound smart, that I’ve got it all going on - great landscaping business, website and everything else.  I’ve learned from all my mistakes and I never get taken advantage of.

Not true.  Despite having learned quite a bit on my own and from this site, I still do stupid things.  Plenty of them.

In regard to one client in particular, I’d been doing something stupid for three years.  But it ended a couple days ago.

It started out innocently enough - we got a call from someone referred by their sister, for whom we’d built a patio.  They had grand plans - flagstone patio, tiered retaining walls over a change in elevation of about 20′.  Nice project.

After the first design (which we don’t usually charge for), they wanted to add a waterfall to it.  They already saw the initial price, so they must have had more room in their budget.  Hungry to make the big sale, I quickly modified the design to include a water feature that spilled down over the retaining walls.

They liked it, but wanted to move the flow of water a bit and the layout of a couple walls.

I still wanted the project, so done and done.  But I was yet to have been been paid a penny, and this client was starting to fail the sniff test.

Long story short, a family member bought them a gift certificate for one ton of flagstone to go toward the work we were to be doing.  Only it had gone two years and the last conversation we’d had was that they had a $2,000 budget for a small retaining wall.  All told I’d visited the site 7 times, made 5 designs or design revisions, and other than the $400 I was paid for the flagstone (by someone other than the client), I still hadn’t been paid a penny.

So when the client called again this year, at long last I was going to set things straight.  He was doing a flagstone project himself in his front yard, wanted to know if we sold flagstone, mentioned the small retaining wall in back.  I told him we’re design/build, not retail, and that after 3 years, 7 site visits and 5 design revisions, I’m not interested in doing one more thing before he pays me a $1,000 retainer. No more site visits.  No more designs.  No more bids.

Then he asked about his $600 gift certificate.  I told him it was $400, but more importantly, it was not for dollar value, it was for a ton of flagstone, and that since the price of stone had been going up, I’d purchased some flagstone for him awhile back to make sure I didn’t take a bath on this gift when he finally got around to hiring us.

Which was more or less a lie.  I had a ton of flagstone for him, sure, but it was a pallet assembled from jobsite spoils and leftover scraps of previous jobs.  Living up to my end of the bargain, I’ll be delivering that ton of flagstone to him in the near future.

Finally telling this client where the bread got buttered felt good.  I knew that it would.  And I can’t wait to see his brand new DIY flagstone patio.

I got my first one this morning.

The first of the phone calls of the year that confirm that kids don’t have any gumption anymore.  That they’d just as soon play Xbox as make some money.

Mom called, asking if I was hiring any teenagers for summer work.

I could have told her that we might be, if it was the right teenager.

I could have told her that I’m usually predisposed to being unimpressed by teenagers who need their mothers to make their job calls for them.

But that would have taken more time than I wanted to spend on the call, and she probably would not have left with a good impression of us.  Besides, when Mom makes the first contact, I already know he’s not the right teenager.

So I just said “Nope.”

This time of year, I thank God for seminars.

You know, the all-day events where you get pummeled with data on the latest, greatest concrete segmental retaining wall units or the methods with which to install ‘em.  The ones where half the manufacturer rep presenters are former installers and look like they are scared shirtless to be presenting anything in front of a big group.  The ones where you’d swear the owners and staff of a majority of your companies attending the event were holding a contest to see which company could best dress like hobos straight off a rail car.

I love ‘em.  Especially this year, with the economy as bad as it is.

Why?

• I get to get out of the house.  After almost two months of nothing but near-zero temperatures, stuck in front of a computer monitor, I start to get a little loony.  This gives me a chance to interact with people other than my family and my dogs.
• I get to find out what’s new in the world of  (fill in blank with an industry) .  Usually, it’s a new product that looks strikingly similar to an old product, with claims of it’s ability outpacing what it can actually be used for.  But it’s still good to keep tabs on what kinds of products are coming around the bend, so when clients ask about ‘em I don’t have a stupefied look on my face.
• I get to pick up a trick or two.  I just learned something a few days ago about stabilized aggregate and it’s use behind retaining walls in place of geogrid.  Didn’t know about that before the seminar.  Also, I lucked into sitting next to a friendly competitor for the day - a competitor who did an insane indoor waterfall project (one that I balked on (or maybe more accurately, bawk-bawked on)) and has done a couple other water-related things that I wanted to pick his brain about.  I donated some knowledge I had in exchange for his.  We both came out ahead.
• I can network with mfg reps and engineers; useful contacts when you’re in a tight spot and need a solution for a certain job site.  They’ll do all they can to solve my problem for me.
• And just the swag alone was worth the price of admission.
• 
• For $25 I got a lunch, two knit hats, two baseball caps, a shirt, a book and a soft-sided briefcase.  Probably $75 in goodies.  Sure, swag doesn’t pay the bills, but pictured there are six or seven opportunities to motivate via gifts of appreciation of hard work of an employee.  Or maybe just something to keep my head warm.
• It gets my juices flowing again to get out into the field and do some work.

I like that feeling.

I’m nervous, and I can’t help it.

I was hopeful that the installation of the new administration would at least give some people a reason not to put a padlock on their checkbooks and run for cover.

The stimulus package is being put together as quickly as it can be, but knowing how Big Government works, how can I be anything but skeptical that the money will find it’s way to the right places and get the economy back on it’s feet.

1.5 million jobs lost nationwide in the last three months. Locally, many large employers have initiated hiring and project freezes, locked down the opportunity for raises and all but the most desperately needed promotions.

It is ugly.

Last year when the news was bad, I wasn’t all that worried - we had a nice backlog of work before the season even started, and by August we were booked for the year. Problem was, that was about the time the phone stopped ringing. It just went dead. Sure, we expect a slowdown in late summer and early fall, but there are still site visits to make, drawings to draw, estimates to estimate. But not last year.

Like many of you, I have a family that likes eating. They like living in a house, too, and I’d like them to keep living here. But for that to happen, Dad’s gonna need to pull a Mumford the Magician routine this year.

I wish you all a little selling magic this 2009 season.

I’m not sure who I’m kidding, really.

I’m not the New Year’s resolution type.  I’m of the opinion that you resolve to change things when you’re presented with an epiphany, or when you face the prospect of something terrible with your health, your family or business, and it forces you to change.

Your doctor tells you that you’ll be taking the long, dirt nap if you don’t stop smoking, and you find yourself motivated to change.

You have a child just diagnosed with learning disabilities.  You’re most likely going to rework your life to make sure your child gets as much time and attention as he needs to have the best chance at a normal life.

Choosing January 1st seems arbitrary to me, like there isn’t enough on the line to make me really change behaviors that need changing.

Like being organized, for instance.  I’d love to be more organized, and every so often I go through these fits of flailing organization where I go through my entire office, our shop, our trucks and our processes to try to be as organized as we can be.  It usually happens after someone has to make a run back to the shop for the third straight day because we forgot a $50 tool that we can’t do the job without.  Or we forgot the keys to the skidsteer.

Have you ever thought about buying yourself a dozen tape measures, so that no matter what you’d always have one handy?  I’ve thought about it.

Hell, I’ve done it.  Pictured at right is the tub of tape measures just in the workshop at my house.  I have more at our shop.  And you know what?  Doesn’t matter - I still find myself in spots where I can’t find a tape to measure something.

Hours before this picture was taken my workshop was in a state of disaster; I very literally needed to shove things around just to give myself enough room to solder a loose wire on one of my kid’s toys.  At that point a quick survey of the workbench and surrounding area would result in finding one, maybe two tapes.

After cleaning up the workshop and bench,  there were twelve.

I’d love to be more organized.  But I might need an epiphany or a doctor’s warning to make it happen.

Have a great 2009.

I’m feeling like the guys Wesley Snipes and Woody Harrelson played against in White Men Can’t Jump.  You know, the ones who were saying “This is too damn easy!” when they were dunking over their opponents in a 2-on-2 tournament.

Remember my post from yesterday?  I received a response:

Hi Jeff,
I guess I have to hold off for now.  I talked to my husband who wants to do the yard himself and says we have no budget for a project.  Maybe in the future I will be able to contact you again!  Sorry!!!
(Name Withheld)

Looks like I was able to save my own life.  About 2 hours of it, anyway.

Here is an actual email I received today:

I am interested in possibly scheduling an appt. with your company. We have a large lot and have been here for about 4 years and the weeds are overwhelming us. I am not sure if you do natural type projects with little to no chemicals, that is what I am looking for. My husband wants to do it all, but does not have the time. . Wondering if you do free estimates as well.

Thanks!
(Name Withheld)

First I should explain. I am no sales guru. You will not find my face on the cover of a book that teaches readers to earn millions in 7 easy steps. I’m a landscape contractor, just like you (most of you, anyway). Probably with truckloads more web experience than you, but still, we’re cut from the same burlap.

Now, let’s dig into why Blake (Alec Baldwin) in Glengarry, Glen Ross would call this lead “dead wood”:

First, you’ll notice no phone number or address is given in the email. That tells you this prospective client is uncertain enough about whether she even wants to hire someone to do this that she is leaving those details out. You’ll have to jump through a few hoops to get those, apparently.

Next, take a look at the second to last sentence “My husband wants to do it all, but does not have the time.” For those unfamiliar with clientspeak, this is code for “We really don’t know how much this is going to cost, but our budget is small enough that we were going to it ourselves.  We thought we’d contact you to see if you’d charge us much more than what it’d cost for us to do it ourselves.” If you’ve been in business for more than 15 minutes, you know that doing a project for the cost of retail materials is just not possible. The only sense they have for costs of the project is what they priced or estimated themselves, which is often several miles away from what it would cost to have the job done professionally.

Lastly, she’s asking about a free estimate. Not that we don’t do it; we do. But when it’s a specific point of inquiry, it’s one more card stacked on the low budget deck.

The likely outcomes for this project? Either they get it priced, fall back in shock and horror, deciding to do it themselves as they curse the landscaping industry for being so profit-crazy, or they just decide to do nothing. It’s too much work for them, but too much money to have done.

In my return email (hey, I’m a giver) I cut to the quick. If this prospective client can’t provide these pieces of information, then this is more than dead wood. This is dead wood covered in gasoline. I think I’ve got a match around here somewhere…

Hi (Name Withheld)-

Thanks for your note. I’m going to need some information from you:

What it is you want done (are you just looking to have your lawn weed-free?)

What your budget is for the project

Your telephone number

Your address

When you need this project completed

Get back to me with that information and I’ll be able to provide more info for you, as well as potentially setting up an initial visit.

Best regards,

Jeff Pozniak

Who knew installing pavers could be so easy?  Have a look.

Sponsored by the Home Depot and Danny Lipford, I’m sure this patio installation will last a good long time.  If by a good long time you mean four weeks.  This is one of the reasons why many contractors have a hard time selling to borderline DIY’ers.  C’mon, Danny.  You know this isn’t the way to build a patio.  Bill Schwab even showed you how a few years ago.  Did you forget?

Quickbooks, I have a beef with you.

You made me look bad in front of my employees the other day.

I know my ancient Quickbooks Basic 2005 is out of date; so much so that you’ve decided to stop providing payroll updates.  I mean 3-4 years?  That’s just geriatric.  Right?

But I’m skeptical - I don’t think you’re not providing updated payroll subscriptions because it’s too difficult to do it, but because you want to refresh your revenue stream, and the best way to do that is to force people to pay several hundred dollars for both software and payroll subscription upgrades.  But you couldn’t leave well enough alone with that, could you?  You had to guarantee you could roll those customers over - force them in a single-file line at gunpoint from the old versions to the new, more expensive versions.

And you did that by using tactics only seen in use by inkjet printer companies like Hewlett-Packard, who set expiring chips into their ink cartridges, so that even if you just opened a cartridge, if it’s beyond it’s “use by” date, the printer will not accept the cartridge, making it unusable.  Your spin on that concept is to have the software cease to withhold federal and state taxes from employees beyond a certain date.  There are no warnings that taxes are being improperly withheld (or in this case, not withheld), it’s just this silent practical joke that when discovered, totally screws with the 941’s I have to file, and potentially causes tax problems, both for me and my employees.

So I look like an idiot to my people because your software couldn’t just use the older data it had been using in the weeks prior.

Well let me tell you something, mister.  I heard from my accountant that Microsoft is putting together an accounting package based on the most stable and frequently used database language out there:  MySQL  - the same one that this blog uses, and the forum of this site, too.  And you know the folks at Microsoft - their pretty ruthless.  I’d expect them to dump product on the market just to get people (like me, maybe?) to try it.  And if we like it, we might just blog about it.  And others might jump on board.

‘Cause I have to tell you - having fancier graphics in the 2008 version, which seems to multiply threefold the time the software needs to load things process entries, is totally not worth it.

So you’d better clean up yer act, buddy.  Or when this new competitor launches, I’ll be there waving my hand saying “pick me!” when they’re looking for some businesses to try it out.

Things were moving along too easily.  We had our initial meeting, where the client had provided copies of two different (self-made) designs for a patio he wanted built.  You know how sometimes you just click right away with clients and other times you clunk?  This was a bit of a clunk.

But even so, after I’d emailed the price for the designs, I got a call back with an indication that we were tentatively a go.  Just send over the paperwork and contract terms.  Cool.

Then I get the email.  The bullet points were as follows: