[papercutter]

It's official- I've now landed a design client in the most ridiculously restrictive homeowners association I've ever dealt with. I was hired to do what I do, which is lush, colorful, natural plantings. Come to find out, I cannot have more than 1/3 of the lot (which is 6000 SF, including the house and driveway) in anything but grass; plant beds can only extend 4' from the house, 3' from the lead walk; and trees and shrubs cannot touch. There must be 1/2 the diameter of the dripline/spread of each plant between them.

But hey, we can put in up to four gnomes, as long as they're under 2' tall. Pink scalloped edging is cool, too.

What's the stupidest HOA rule you've had to deal with?

[jshilan]

Dave I think you're the winner

I have a few questions:

1. Can you plant ornamental grass instead of turf grass? (that'll show them).
2. What do they think will happen if a tree and shrub touch? (are you working in that town where they shot Footloose?)
3. Can the gnomes touch? If so, where?
4. Can the gnome extend more than 4' from the house.
5. Is the 4' bedline inclusive of the pink scalloped edging? Are you required to install a footing?
6. Can jockeys be used instead of gnomes, just to have some variety?

I just found a great website that might help. Shop Garden Gnomes and Woodland Gnomes - Gnome Outlet

They actually have a section - Gnomes after Work. Who knew Gnomes could be so much fun.

This guy's my favorite "Ryan with waterpump".

[Terre]

Maybe a gnome mooning the HOA president?

[Lanelle]

I got another one for you papercutter. Worked for a client where the HOA wouldn't allow more than 3 pots or other 'decorative' objects on the front porch/front yard. Grass had to be improved tall fescue. Fence had to be board on board wood----wrought iron (aluminum) fence not OK. And everything else was subject to the ARB's judgemental discretion determined by their Saturday morning inspections. I had two clients move due to the unfriendly tone of all of this.

[papercutter]

Funny you mention that, Lanelle- "Up to four (4) decorative objects on a front porch, which is defined as the cement area adjacent to the front door excluding walkways and driveways, are generally permitted without approval as long as they promote and enhance the visual and aesthetic appearance of the community." So apparently when it comes to the porch, my community is teetering on anarchy compared to yours!

Jody- they figured out the grass loophole- it cannot be any higher than 6", and weed cover cannot exceed any more than 25% of the total area. That gnome link is awesome! If you ever come across a gnome with a snorkel and a diving mask, let me know- we want to hide one in a water feature. I think our friends' kid would get a huge kick out of that. As for what happens if plants touch? I was thinking more Ghostbusters: "Don't cross the streams!"

Yesterday I was all agitated, and I was going to fight it. Today... I'll toe the line, because I really want a foothold in this area (because I'm a masochist?) and the clients want a series of treatments to improve the lawn organically. Maybe in a better economy I can fight the law.

[phototropic1]

Several of our clients have beautiful Mondo Grass lawns that don't exceed 6". Hehhehheh